Survival guides don’t come
For most walks of life;

We’re left blundering
Most of the time.

And that is why
Through efforts of only
A few measly years
On this planet,
I will try to detail
A ‘how to’
On life
As I may know it.

I live day by day
Or rather,
Week by week.

Although that
Has become increasingly hard in itself.

The hours seem to drag
Before my eyes
And I live
Through an agony of seconds.

How I live
Is by ignoring
Time as a factor
And –
To risk sounding
Like an old friend
Of many a student of words –
I dole my life out
In different ways.

This is how I live:

I live by listening
To the sounds of ticking
On my wrist
And finding a rhythm
In the sound.

I live
By counting down the days
To events
That turn my gut into water
And my head
Into a roller coaster.

I live by
Wishing there were better ways
To express my joy
Or maybe sometimes
Wishing I could curb it.

I live
In constant fear
Of having everything I believe in
And everything I love
Trodden on
By somebody who doesn’t understand.